Explosion of Creativity

A few days ago, and by a few days ago I mean I don't remember exactly when it was, but it happened sometime between yesterday and recently, a friend commented that he would like to kill himself (jokingly of course....We had just finished a very boring Econ class) and asked me if I had any ideas. I asked him if he wanted to go big or die quietly and he said go big, of course. This is what I told him:
This is gonna be big so you're gonna have to get some kind of sponsor so you can actually pay for everything you're gonna need. Don't tell them what you're actually going to do, tell them you
are holding a benefit concert or something...I know you'd be lying but your going to hell anyways. Then after you've got your sponsor go up to Wyoming and buy the biggest fireworks you possibly can......but since you've got a sponsor you have to at least give them some credit so buy some of those sweet fireworks that can spell things in the sky (I don't know if they actually have any of those, but it would still be sweet) then get yourself some C4, a parachute and charter a plane.......use some of the money you still have left to have someone write your official biography entitled (the names have been changed to protect the innocent..plus I can't remember how to spell his last name) Tim Billows: He Lit Up the World, Then Lit Up Himself . The day before you want to go ahead and...well you know.......set up bleachers around a prominent area and put up flyers all around the surrounding area advertising your "concert" or whatever it happens to be. The day of pay people to distribute your biography to whoever shows up at the "concert".....by the way schedule the concert for sometime after dark......then just when the concert is slated to start you'll fly over the spot...jump out of the air plane with the fireworks and C4 (make sure you light the fireworks and C4 before you jump) As you fall you'll pull the chute and then all the fire works will go off...possibly burning you to death...in case they don't you have the C4.....the fireworks will go off and be spectacular (eventhough they advertise the Foley's Red Apple Sale) and then there will be a final huge explosion that most will think is the start of the concert....which of course it isn't and you can then laugh at them all for being so stupid, but then again you'll be dead...good enough?

He kinda just looked at me and laughed, but one of those cautious laughs that make both people feel uneasy.....I then had time to reflect on what I had said and realized it was quite morbid...creative but morbid...is that a bad thing? Food for thought. Catch you on the flip
~The BS

Twitterpated Much?

What a BEAUTIFUL day. Spring has finally sprung my friends and it is wonderful. You know what spring means, don't you? Spring means warmer temps, the Masters, Easter (both the celebration of the ascending of Christ and the commercial egg hunting holiday) and twitterpation. Twitterpation? What's that? Well for all of you who don't remember one of the greatest explanations of the instinctual need to reproduce as explained by a cartoon rabbit (Thumper) from the Disney classic "Bambi", Twitterpation is the need to make some babies, to bump and grind, to get a little bit o' lovin, to....well you know what I mean. Spring is great. It is the season of love. Its wonderful to see all the lovers and their lovers loving in this season of love, as well as all those who previously had no love find some lovin: people are dating, getting engaged, and hoppin on the good foot and doin the bad thing. It just seems like everyone is in a better mood. Its days like these that make me think about why we're here. Could it be to find love? Who knows? Let me know.
Love,
The BS

Stupid Jerks

Some people bother me.I'm not usually a violent person, but sometimes I just want to chuck a fork at and tell people to shut up. In today's society some people are so loud, rude, and crass that its really quite upsetting.

For example, as I left my room today and walked down the hall towards the elevators a kid about my age walked out of a room. He was wearing his hat on sideways, had a lip ring, unsightly teenage facial hair and his pants loosely fastened around his thighs. At this point I thought to myself "what a douche." Turns out I was right. Just as a point of clarity, I'm not implying that everyone who chooses to turn their hat sideways, put unnecessary holes in their face, grow out their crappy, underdeveloped goatee and wear their pants down passed their ass is a douche. It could be that they are really very nice, intelligent people. Which is of course why they haven't figured out how to wear a hat or their pants. Anyways, as I walk passed he turns to me and yells out "Where's the crapper?" (Who says crapper?) I turned and looked at him and politely pointed out the large sign on the wall not a few feet from me indicating the men's restroom. "Thanks a lot, chief, you've been a big help" he replied and proceeded to unbutton his pants (why? I have no idea because his pants were down far enough to adequately expose anything he could carry) and walk towards the bathroom. I immediately thought to myself "First of all my name's not chief, I'm not any kind of Native American and second of all if you hadn't smoked yourself stupid you could see that the bathroom is right here in front of you. Once again, I apologize if you are a person who exhibits these kinds of characteristics and are offended by this. I have two pieces of advice for you: stop reading this now and if that doesn't solve your problem come find me and stop me from whatever I happen to be doing, look at me in the eye and tell me "I am not a stupid jerk". We will then part ways, you being able to continue your life knowing you proved me wrong and me adding a new e-muse to my collection entitled "Stupid Jerks Part Deux: the Pants are Lower, the Hats Sidewaysier and the Egos overblown". "No problem, pal" I said and continued on toward the elevators. That's were our meeting ended.

As a sidenote I would like to add that the door this individual swaggered out of was attached to the room of a very attractive young lady. While I have no interest in this female, it still pains me that females of that caliber except the company of such vile creatures. Whatever. I guess they were right...nice guys do finish last...if at all.

In conclusion, all in all and to wrap things up, its guys like the one mentioned above that make me think a worldwide ebola outbreak wouldn't be such a bad idea. Pull up your pants and shave. Catch you on the flip.
~The BS

"Mash": My Future or, more appropriately, "Mash": How Much My Life Could Suck

You know those quizzes you took in middle school called "love" and "mash" and crap like that? Well someone asked me to be apart of one of these games today and I declined...Let me tell you why- it's not because the games are immature, and really aren't that fun anyways, but because with my luck this is what will happen....boodlu, boodlu, boodlu

I will graduate from college and become a teacher (as planned), but that's when things begin to go downhill. After several years of being single, I will finally find a woman to marry and she won't be any kind of catch (that sounds kind of mean so instead I'll say that I will become so desporate that it will seem like she's settling for me instead of the other way around which I guess is still kind of mean, but sometimes the truth hurts). She will also have a horribly unattractive name like Brunhilda or Gertrude (no offense to anyone who has these names...All I can hope for you is that you have some sweet nickname and if not you should probably get one) We will marry and the next year she will gain something like 400 pounds and have to quit her job and basically live on the couch and eat out of a bucket, conveniently placed by her side. (Picture Jaba the Hut sitting in your living room). Then she'll want children, and, because I don't want to live alone, we will have some...14 to be exact....But, because I will still have some dignity left, we will adopt them. Now having a wife in need of constant calorie intake and 14 children I will have to take on a second job cleaning the school I work at as a night janitor, giving me no opportunity to sleep.After 5 or 6 years of working these two jobs, my wife will divorce me and leave me for another man she met on the internet (WHAT? You say).She sights as her reason for leaving me the fact that I never talk to her anymore and that I obviously don't care about her feelings. The children and, unfortunately, the judge take my wife's side and I lose everything and have to pay child support on top of that. I live out the rest of my life in solitude. My small apartment holds only a bed and enough space for a small fridge and television. Even if I did have any friends, I wouldn't be able to entertain them. Living alone and having very limited contact with the outside world I will have absolutely no sense of fashion and will hubble around in pants slightly too small for me, and a white, short sleeved, collared shirt with no undershirt so my nipples show prominently through. In the breast pocket of my shirt will be a second hand pocket protector which will carry at least 15 pens (incase i have to write a lot). I will become slightly portly, partially bald and will have to wear glasses that makes it seem like I have two magnifying glasses glued to frames. After years of sleeplessness and lonliness, I will turn into a gollum like imp with a hump who constantly refers to himself in the third person and denies he has a hump. I will die the day before the largest powerball lottery in history (to which i hold the winning ticket). At my funeral over 600 people will show up and leave within five minutes as my last request will be to have the sign outside the church, instead of saying "Souchek Funeral", advertise a free mega-buffet.The End

Now you might be thinking "What is wrong with this kid? Who could have such a truly pessimistic outlook on their future?" Don't worry I say to you because it'll be alright, for you see if my future turns out to be any better than the one above I'll be happy and if it turns out to be like the future listed above at least I'll expect it.

I don't really know what the point of this e-muse was, but i guess what I'll just say whenever you feel like your life is the worst just remember my little tale.....and smile more-- people don't do that enough. That's all. Catch you on the flip
~The BS

The Treasures of Tuesday

Well it's Tuesday again and, seeing as Tuesday happens to be a very nice day to e-muse, I've decided to add another entry. Before I get to that though, I was thinking today about Tuesday and it status among the days of the week. Tuesday, of course, could be the second or third day of the week depending on your views (some see Sunday as the official first day of the week and some credit it Monday), my point here being that Tuesday sits behind the first spot as if it were the first loser in the minds of whoever named the days of the week. Tuesday still got a medal, but isn't gonna get that sweet endorsement deal. I think that's okay though because it keeps Tuesday from having an inflated ego. Monday has an extremely large amount of power....being able to depress people with just the sound of its name. Sunday is God's day. I mean it's God's day there really isn't any other way to articulate that. Wednesday is hump day. The middle of the week and people are looking forward to the weekend. Thursday comes right before Friday and is overlooked by most as just the day before Friday. Friday the start of the weekend and Saturday THE weekend. Tuesday seems to be the only day that really has nothing associated with it, and that's what makes Tuesdays great. There's never any pressure on Tuesday, nothing important is ever due on Tuesday, if you ask someone what their doing on Tuesday they say nothing, think back to all the exciting things that have happened to you in the past (disregard birthdays as they happen only once in a while on a tuesday and are not regular occurrences) did any of them happen on a Tuesday? Maybe so, but I'll bet not many have. I see this day as an undiscovered resource and I'm very excited to uncover all the secrets Tuesday has been keeping from me.

I thought about writing something else today, but I think I'll leave that for another time...Its Tuesday there's much to be done. Catch you on the flip.
The BS

In the beginning....

Today, it being tuesday and all, i decided it was a good day to start something new. Having had quite a boring day and being inspired ( forced really) by my friend Zach i decided to create this "blog."I'm not really sure what exactly i'm supposed to say and relate to any of you who happen to have nothing better to do then to read (but at least you're putting your ability to read to some use) about whatever i have to say, but what the hell at least it'll fill up some time every once in a while and who knows maybe i'll have something interesting to say at some point. Just a warning though, the stories, anecdotes and ideas i intend to relate are in no way completely serious and many will (at least to me) contain quite gelastic comments. Many situations may be exaggerated for some kind of comical effect. My intentions here are fully for my own enjoyment.

For example, i could say that i am a real "ladies man" and may post some comment about how its really a tough life having beautiful women throw themselves at you...of course at first i would be all for it but after a while it would become annoying as these women are relentless and relinquish themselves all throughout the day- its like "hi...ummmmm....i'm trying to eat lunch and you're orgasming in my fruit salad. Could we talk about this some other time?". I think thats funny and while it isn't true at all its probably something i would consider posting. I guess really what i'm trying to say is that if you're looking for some kind of chicken soup for the soul or some crap like that this isn't the place to look for it, hence the title of my blog which for all purposes will now be referred to as my e-musings because i think blog is a stupid word and hyphens are sweet. Catch you on the flip
~The BS