"Mash": My Future or, more appropriately, "Mash": How Much My Life Could Suck

You know those quizzes you took in middle school called "love" and "mash" and crap like that? Well someone asked me to be apart of one of these games today and I declined...Let me tell you why- it's not because the games are immature, and really aren't that fun anyways, but because with my luck this is what will happen....boodlu, boodlu, boodlu

I will graduate from college and become a teacher (as planned), but that's when things begin to go downhill. After several years of being single, I will finally find a woman to marry and she won't be any kind of catch (that sounds kind of mean so instead I'll say that I will become so desporate that it will seem like she's settling for me instead of the other way around which I guess is still kind of mean, but sometimes the truth hurts). She will also have a horribly unattractive name like Brunhilda or Gertrude (no offense to anyone who has these names...All I can hope for you is that you have some sweet nickname and if not you should probably get one) We will marry and the next year she will gain something like 400 pounds and have to quit her job and basically live on the couch and eat out of a bucket, conveniently placed by her side. (Picture Jaba the Hut sitting in your living room). Then she'll want children, and, because I don't want to live alone, we will have some...14 to be exact....But, because I will still have some dignity left, we will adopt them. Now having a wife in need of constant calorie intake and 14 children I will have to take on a second job cleaning the school I work at as a night janitor, giving me no opportunity to sleep.After 5 or 6 years of working these two jobs, my wife will divorce me and leave me for another man she met on the internet (WHAT? You say).She sights as her reason for leaving me the fact that I never talk to her anymore and that I obviously don't care about her feelings. The children and, unfortunately, the judge take my wife's side and I lose everything and have to pay child support on top of that. I live out the rest of my life in solitude. My small apartment holds only a bed and enough space for a small fridge and television. Even if I did have any friends, I wouldn't be able to entertain them. Living alone and having very limited contact with the outside world I will have absolutely no sense of fashion and will hubble around in pants slightly too small for me, and a white, short sleeved, collared shirt with no undershirt so my nipples show prominently through. In the breast pocket of my shirt will be a second hand pocket protector which will carry at least 15 pens (incase i have to write a lot). I will become slightly portly, partially bald and will have to wear glasses that makes it seem like I have two magnifying glasses glued to frames. After years of sleeplessness and lonliness, I will turn into a gollum like imp with a hump who constantly refers to himself in the third person and denies he has a hump. I will die the day before the largest powerball lottery in history (to which i hold the winning ticket). At my funeral over 600 people will show up and leave within five minutes as my last request will be to have the sign outside the church, instead of saying "Souchek Funeral", advertise a free mega-buffet.The End

Now you might be thinking "What is wrong with this kid? Who could have such a truly pessimistic outlook on their future?" Don't worry I say to you because it'll be alright, for you see if my future turns out to be any better than the one above I'll be happy and if it turns out to be like the future listed above at least I'll expect it.

I don't really know what the point of this e-muse was, but i guess what I'll just say whenever you feel like your life is the worst just remember my little tale.....and smile more-- people don't do that enough. That's all. Catch you on the flip
~The BS